I’m exhausted and I have the worst headache. It’s interesting how I become so focused while taking a math test that I can bring a headache onto myself. Math isn’t my strongest subject so I have to make sure everything is alright the best to my ability and double check it; with me, whatever can go wrong usually does however when I do get a good mark it feels great because I know I worked my ass off for it, it was 100% me. So far I hold out pretty well, I had a dream last night that a square root symbol devoured me and I couldn’t get out…at one point I was engaged in a boxing math with the times symbol, quick little nuisance flipped and spun itself into my stomach until I was finally able to crush it beneath my combat boot that read iron will on the top, symbolic much? Regardless I’m satisfied, I can enjoy the pleasures I own without feeling like I don’t deserve them. Balance…
Now for some temporary shut eye.
Endure and survive…
The beautiful, the dead and the rotting. How sweet.
Sometimes I think that…the only way to know who’s stabbing you in the back is to see their reflection in the eyes of the person stabbing you from the front. Oh how cutthroat this game can be…hmmm.
Every day I try to wake up and become a better person than I was yesterday, reach a new version of myself with each passing year, learn something I didn’t know prior. I think I’ve always been like that, pleasing everyone else was never even thought of cause the battle for me has always been one of self. I try to kill this demon inside of me constantly fighting. Incessantly proving something to myself.