So beautiful, I will never forget their distinctive sound. I will reward myself and become an owner of one…one day.

Once again it pours down rain incessantly pulling up lonesome thoughts out of their sullen graves; why does the sound of rain tend to have that effect? The sound of tiny brave warriors running to resolve their duty on the battle field. 

    I read through most of the Berklee introduction book I received a couple of days ago and to be honest; every paragraph made my heart pound a little harder in my chest. Heavy pounds of excitement and masochistic intimidation that I couldn’t wait to submerge myself deeper in. I could see my future unfold and lay out in front of me at the end of each sentence. The only thing holding me back is acceptance. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted something so badly. I’ve even had dreams of reading the acceptance email. I’ve said that quite a lot on this same topic but this is the path my soul is on and has been on since as long as I can remember. The question begs to be asked. Am I practicing hard and long enough? Will I be good enough when it really counts and perform accurately? I could do so much and take advantage of so much at that college. I suppose all I can do is keep practicing and see how things unfold. I haven’t been able to think about much else lately.  I have big plans for my future in music, I just hope the me right now is enough. I’m going to try and do that thing called sleep, I hear it’s popular these days. Hopefully I can stop the billions of things racing through my mind right now and achieve REM; haven’t gotten there in so long.

(Source: messyhair-and-summerair)

   It’s interesting how I’ve become so tightly woven into a profession…or I should say a lifestyle that demands such perfection; working my fingers to the bone until even the callouses on my finger tips begin to weep. It’s interesting how, after so many years of working on myself not to be crushed by that perfectionist in me; that person that craves to do everything 100% and beyond. I find myself once again battling with the demon. Putting blood, sweat and tears into every note and pitch until they’ve slightly brushed against the pristine skin of perfection, just enough. I suppose it just happens to be inevitable that I ultimately find balance within myself ‘less I surrender the depths of my mind to insanity in this desolate search for solace. Part of me feels that there is no turning back and the other part knows that there is no other way I’d rather have it. I have no choice but to shift with the changes and make them positive through my own will.

    Music.  One of the few words I sacrifice so much for, after all; hearing my favorite melody or discovering new ones that move my soul in ways I could never imagine is such a gratifying sensation. It’s all worth it. Beyond that, personally for me, after slaving away at something that has been so difficult and finally,finally mastering it…the taste of success is a reward I incessantly desire. Music is something that cannot be played 70, 80 or even 90 percent, it demands absolute perfection; pouring out the entire soul into every action so others can enjoy and more importantly that my heart can be interpreted clearly. It isn’t easy and it will challenge each person in different ways but I think that’s beautiful. The way music can put each person through various different things. I am proud to be a musician, now more than I ever have been.

  I’d rather bite through my tongue and drown in my blood than say that the future doesn’t frighten me. The unknown has always made me uneasy and it’s something I come to terms with each day but I am confident that things will turn out alright if I stick to what I love. Any other way of life would betray my own nature and turn out to be a poisonous lie. Though important, riches do not fuel my heart and I hope they never do. I want to continue living for music…for myself and living life to improve and strengthen my mind and body. I will preserve my honor as a musician.

(Source: attsu)

 Over the passed few years I have learned how to be patient and analyze various sounds for more than I normally would. For 7 years I’ve grown with my guitar and we’ve gone through a lot together; we continue to go through a great deal. No, I don’t be believe anyone can relate to the bond I share with my instrument. It’s not just a piece of equipment to me but an extension of myself in many different ways.

 I don’t need anyone telling me what I can and cannot achieve. We will pour the acid of success on their open wounds; just you wait…

Oyasumi~

(Source: http)

(Source: http)

❝If I were not a physicist, I would probably be a musician. I often think in music. I live my daydreams in music. I see my life in terms of music …I get most joy in life out of music.❞